Day 33: Church is SO not awesome, but uncommon flowers sure are!

Yes, yes, I know I'm late. I HAVE BEEN BUSY, FOOLS. Plus I had to upload a couple pics into the computer before posting. SHUT UP I MAKE SENSE.

Before I make the normal post, I would like to tell you all one thing... apparently someone that we all (well, most of us xD) know and love has picked up reading this blog! Probably several others as well, since I sent her the links to people's. I'll give you some hints. She was an Advancie last year... she used to live in Germany, and Russia before that... she used to think Asia was a country... she was going out with one dude for pretty much all of last year... that's right, it's Bible Thumper Dancing Girl! :D (You better love your name, sweetie, cuz if you don't... well, I guess nothing will happen, but YOU HAD STILL BETTER LOVE YOUR NAME!)

It's kind of ironic that I find this out when I'm posting this entry... for obvious reasons. Anyways, this is my... WONDERFUL experience in church on Sunday.

My cousins are all older than me by about 15-20 years, as my parents are both the youngest in their families and didn't have me until my mom was 39 and my dad was 41. OTL The last five or six years have been filled with many, many weddings and babies being born and christenings. (This was the second christening, but still.) On an unrelated note, I caught the bouquet at one of the weddings a few years ago. WHY AM I NOT MARRIED YET? STARS, YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME! Anyways. I was at the church two days ago for a christening, and it sucked monkey butt.

For starters, the priest dude was wearing a dress. A really BIG white dress. Don't tell me it was a robe - he's just secretly a cross-dresser (although I have discovered his secret. HA.) and so chose a profession that would allow him to do so in public. Second, the priest was, before he was a priest, a university professor. orz HE JUST KEPT ON TALKING. "The lord Jesus is great... blah blah blah... little boy whose legs were amputated because of a bitchy bacteria.... blah blah blah... 'Mommy, I saw God at the hospital' [and he didn't even give him a hug! He just... patted his shoulders. Jerk! I WOULD HAVE GIVEN THE LITTLE BOY A HUG.] and then she saw God in her life... blah blah Japan pray blah blah..." for 45 freakin' minutes. OTL And we had to keep standing up to sing. NOT FUN. Couldn't find the damn page, didn't know the tunes, all basically saying 'the Lord is good.' Well no shit or else why the hell would you be making us SING SONGS PRAISING HIM?!?!? And babies kept on making noises. Okay, that was actually pretty cute, but still. Also, I'm pretty sure that for the music, someone was playing a lute. I mean, wtf? A LUTE? Seriously? The only person that should EVER play that is Quiet Math Lover Who Plays The Lute. And that's mostly because he looks extremely attractive when dressed up like a medieval bard. <3

Then there were two baptisms to go through. Poor little cousin... she was asleep and then the priest tried to freakin' drown her! "Splash splash. SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH. SPLAAAAASH!" Talk about a rude awakening... And then the dude greased their foreheads and was all "Lord, I hope you are pleased with our sacrifice, and that it is enough for you." Seriously. He said those exact words. (Maybe in a slightly different order, but you get the idea.) Dude. WTF. SINCE WHEN DOES THE GREAT AND MERCIFUL GOD REQUIRE US TO SACRIFICE INFANTS?!?!?! I'm going to go cry in a corner now, if you'll excuse me, and pee my pants in fear. WTF. And then he was all "Let us now eat the body and drink the blood of Christ" and he gave people wafer-things and like... wine or juice or something? So... I guess the Catholic church is full of vampires and cannibals now. That's cool, I guess.

So after like an hour and 15 minutes, he FINALLY stopped talking and we could go upstairs and eats cookies. Which, by the way, were good. (Although they were all store bought. What happened to good old-fashioned church baking, huh?) I checked my phone and it turns out that Bean texted me in the middle of the service, though, and I hadn't noticed. xD I was like "Bean! You texted me in the middle of a church service! Wtf is your problem?" and she replied "Um... WTF WHY ARE YOU IN CHURCH?" I REALLY wish I could have seen her face when she got my text. xD It would have been HILARIOUS.

So then we drove to their house for food, ate everything in sight, and drove home. Had some fun at the park with friends, filled with epic faceplants in the ground, me falling off the top of the playground thing all the way to the sand, and a BEAUTIFUL slow-motion moment that left me and Supreme Harem Master lying on the ground for a couple of minutes in terrible pain.

Then I went for a walk behind Bean's future house - a mental hospital and women's prison - and took lots of pretty pictures of crocuses with Moomoo, Dodo, Tummy, and my grandma (who has no awesome name). Here is one of my faves. AIN'T IT PWETTY?!?!?!

Fuck. My computer appears to have spontaneously deleted all of the other pictures... oh well.